Let’s talk about sex, baby – breaking down barriers in the bedroom

Creative Director of House of Vixens, Sophie Cohen [pictured below] cut her teeth as a stripper, dancer and dominatrix, working across London and the world for over 20 years. Born and raised in the US, she has made London her home for the best part of the past two decades. Originally created as a theatre company, House of Vixens is dedicated to the world of erotic storytelling with a passion for embracing the essence of the sensual pageantries of bygone times. In this insightful article written exclusively for The LC, Sophie explains how knowledge gaps, shame and even the awkward sex education classes from school can affect everyone in the bedroom….

Ah, the nostalgia of early ’90s sex education — a delightful mix of awkwardness and misinformation. Picture it: a classroom split down the middle, boys taken off to one room and girls the other, like some bizarre middle school segregation experiment. The girls got the lowdown on periods, puberty, the horrors of childbirth, and STDs, complete with graphic visuals that could scar a young mind for life. While the boys were treated to… Well, I don’t know — they refused to tell us. I can only assume it was something equally weird.

As I reflect on those formative years as a fully-grown adult, I can’t help but marvel at the utter lack of emphasis on any form of sexual pleasure. Sure, we learned about the risks and consequences of sex — pregnancy, disease, emotional turmoil — but nowhere in the curriculum was there a single, tiny, offhand mention of the sheer joy and connection that sex can bring. It’s like we were handed a roadmap to the dangers of the sexual highway without being told about the breathtaking scenery along the way. It’s a miracle that any of us even bothered making the trip.

My own upbringing was refreshingly liberal, thanks to my bohemian parents who valued freedom and self-expression. Yet even they fell short when it came to discussing the positive aspects of sexuality. It’s like no-one thought to say “oh yeah, and it might feel amazing.” It wasn’t until much later, through my own experiences and exploration, that I discovered the transformative power of sexual pleasure.

Fast forward to today, and the stories I hear from my clients are a sobering reminder of the shame and stigma that still surround sexuality, especially for women. Religious dogma, past traumas, societal expectations, and that lack of info in school — they all conspire to rob us of our sexual agency and confidence. But fear not. I come bearing insights from my two decades of work in the magical world of the sex industry, first as a stripper, then a dominatrix and now, a kink concierge.

First and foremost: self-pleasure. It’s not just a suggestion, it’s a commandment. Take the time to explore your own body and desires. What makes you tick? What sends shivers down your spine? Don’t be afraid to experiment with toys, positions, and fantasies — and remember, your pleasure is your responsibility. No knight in shining armour is coming to rescue you — it’s up to you to unlock the door to your own pleasure. You’ve got to know what you like, and I promise, you do like something.

Once you’ve become intimately acquainted with your own desires, it’s time to share them with your partner(s). Communication is key, whether it’s face-to-face, via text, or through a smoke signal. When I worked as a dominatrix, my absolute least favourite client was the one who could tell me nothing about what they actually wanted. I am not a mind reader, and neither is your lover. You might think that what you want is written all over your face, but that’s actually a shame hangover. Let them know what turns you on, what you crave, and what makes you feel alive. Don’t skimp on the foreplay or aftercare — set the mood, indulge your senses, and savour every moment of connection.

In the end, sex is more than just a physical act — it’s a journey of exploration, intimacy, and self-discovery. Embrace it with all the passion and enthusiasm of a traveller embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. Remember that the only limits are the ones you place on yourself, so shake off the weird lessons of childhood sex ed, and go forth and make your bedroom a sanctuary of pleasure and joy.

Discover more at www.houseofvixens.com.  Sophie offers one-to-one private lessons with couple or singles, where participants can take the time to really get to the root of their sexual questions, curiosities and concerns.  Visit www.houseofvixens.com/contact for more information.